Week 12 – How It Works – Step 4 – Sex Conduct and Harms Done


“Now about sex. Many of us needed an overhauling (change) there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question.” {Big Book P68, Paragraph 4}  We’re going to be dealing with how we think about sex more so than how we do sex. This “sex thing” is quite a bit different with human beings than it is with the other animals of the earth. You have to remember that all the other species are God directed. Whatever they do, whether it is sex, eating, sleeping, where they shelter, it is all dependent upon God’s direction, period.

When it comes time for them to reproduce their race, whenever it might be, God usually signifies that by some change in the female species. There is physical change. The male of the species senses that change. The male prepares himself and the two join together. Then, they go their separate ways. They really don’t have any choice in their sex life. They can’t decide when they’re going to do it. That’s decided by God, usually at certain times of the year, depending on what species they are. They cannot decide who they’re going to do it with. That is usually decided by God also. They can’t decide how many times they’re going to do it. They can’t decide what position they’re going to do it in. For them, it is primarily a reproductive thing, period. It’s all done with God’s direction.

He made us human beings a little bit different. Because he gave us this thing called self-will. He gave us the ability to think about not only sex, but every aspect of our lives also. So he gave us the ability to make decisions about it. Of course he wanted us to use sex for reproduction of the human race, but he also made it very enjoyable for us so we would do it. He also gave us the ability to choose who we were going to do it with, where we are going to do it, when we were going to do it and how many times we were going to do it and in what position we were going to do it in.

We think that most of the troubles with the human race, sex wise, stem not so much from the physical act itself, as from the way we think about sex. Because, it’s through sex that we become emotionally involved with every human being. If we couldn’t think and reason and have this intelligence, our emotions would not be involved. Therefore, most of the troubles that we have are not so much from the physical side of sex, as it is from the emotional or mental side of sex.

What we are going to do by using our book, is to take a look at our past sex life. We will see that some of the things that we have done in the past (and maybe still are doing) end up hurting other people. If we hurt others, surely they are going to retaliate against us, and that in turn is going to cause more pain and suffering for us.

We are also going to find out how to look at our sex lives. If we are not doing it the way we think we should, or as often as we think we should, it tends to make us irritable, restless and discontented. It is very difficult for us to get a handle on a future sex life, where we can be relatively free of worry or fear concerning it. The analysis is like what we had to do with fear and resentments. We had to see what fear and resentments did to us.  Now we are going to see what sex really does do to us.

[READ: Page 68, Paragraph 4 →  Page 69, Paragraph 2 ]

We heard those “voices” all of our lives. There are those who say sex is dirty, and you ought to do it one time in one position with one person only, and the only purpose for doing it is to reproduce, and if you enjoy it, there must be something wrong with you. And I’ve heard those voices over and over and over. This is the extreme on one end of the scale.

I read that last statement in paragraph 2 with complete relief, because I just knew that this book was getting ready to condemn me for what I had done in the past and I knew it was getting ready to tell me what I was going to have to do in the future. I had already made up my mind I wasn’t going to pay any attention to it at all. I was relieved to see that they’re not going to do that, and thank God they don’t, because if the book tried to tell me what was right and what was wrong in the sex area and what I had to do in my sex life, then the book could not match all human beings anywhere in our world. Our book is designed to be helpful for any alcoholic, anywhere in the world. So thank God it stays out of that kind of controversy.

[READ: Page 69, Paragraph 3 →  Page 71, To End of Page]

We see the same set of instructions in the Big Book on Page 69 for the sex inventory that we saw for fears and resentments, except they are worded slightly differently. By looking at the past and getting it down on paper and analyzing it, we can develop an ideal for the future. Sex is one of our strongest drives and it has to be because God gave us the task of taking dominion over the earth. To do that, we have to reproduce and multiply. It’s a part of life. Just like our resentments and fears, our sex drive is the same way. It’s a great battle, the battle of life: Either we can let God control these things or these things can dominate us.


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